


You Too.

by Sadness_pudding



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Drugs, Gay Keith (Voltron), Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, M/M, Shiro (Voltron) is a Mess, Slow Burn, Trans Keith (Voltron), Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:01:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23898685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sadness_pudding/pseuds/Sadness_pudding
Summary: Keith onSometimes I feel like all my feelings have been thrown away. As if they were nothing. And it's hard to think about it. Even more alone in the room. It's like my heart is aching.
Relationships: Keith/Shiro (Voltron)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 15





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey !! I hope you like this Fic ... And I would very much like you to read the final notes. Good reading!!  
> There are some mentions of Bulimia, Drugs // medicines and drinks. If you feel bad reading, please stop. If anyone wants Chase Atlantic there's a song called You Too that inspired me to write this

Shiro on.

And there you were.

With a side smile talking to his friends.

You were beautiful and I was bored. So after the second bottle of beer I went after you and we started talking.

Keith was your name and you looked a little suspicious. Then he just left for another place.

Again for the company of your friends.

And then you disappeared. Like a ghost.

Call it what you. Destiny. Luck. I do not care. But having friends in common was too much.

When we came back to meet at calmer parties I found out about you.

But first, I apologize for talking too much about myself every time we are together.

I'm sorry that your illness is the reason you don't eat a lot. Bulimia. They told me. They said you had it for some time. And that it's hard to keep everything in the stomach. That it's hard to feel good about yourself for a while.

It is obvious that we drink too much. Because you finally started talking to me too. You vented about your father who never loved you.

Resentment is what you told me. He didn't like you very much for looking like your mother and he was angry with her for leaving them just to keep going to parties and appearing on TV.

You told me that you saw your mother on TV and wished you were like her.

Slim. High. Beloved. Beautiful. Adventurous.

Every day doing different things.

Living different experiences.

Being loved by different people.

I'm sorry for all this. For the truth is that you are beautiful. I really wanted you to see yourself as I see you.

But now, you should open another bottle. You are sad, I see it in your eyes. And I'm sorry again.

Go. Go out with your friends and have fun. Forget the problems that your head insisted on reminding you of.

And then it was gone. Everything was cold again and you disappeared like a ghost.

And now I'm kissing someone else. One with fewer problems and easier to win.

And I don't even want to pretend.

I should have heard when they told me that it is a means to an end, falling in love is a way to have an end, yes.

Fuck. This is fleeting. I'm too young to really love. So I continued to kiss the platinum-haired girl.

Only the world wanted to play a little more.

[•••]

And now I'm on the fence. Looking at you.

I was only 25 with the usual lack of respect and immaturity. You told me not to follow you and that you were fine. Only I clearly ignored it. And then Keith threw up again, all the food he had just put in his belly.

I let out a loud sigh and when he finally calms down he looks at me and with a sigh he says:

\- I warned you not to follow me. - He straightens his clothes and yet his appearance was not the best. Of course, he was still beautiful. Only his pale face and strong dark circles left him more dead than alive. I just stare at him.

I said no, but he knows that I'm trying to read his expression again.

\- Don't choose someone who can't be like her. Don't choose someone like me. - Keith whispers in the wind and walks off to his house. I knew he wanted someone who could handle it.

\- You don't want company? - I asked still on the fence.

\- You know. - He shrugs then I jump and go to meet him.

I reach out and he takes it.

\- I got you, Keith. - I smiled at him who responded.

We walk to your house and then we are on your bed.

If you love it, keep it up.

The room is dark and now Keith slept peacefully beside me.

I knew I couldn't just leave, I couldn't move, don't want to wake him up.

You too, you also wouldn't want to wake me up if you were in my place and I'm sure that if I left now and you woke up I would have to give you a cheap explanation.

This has happened to us before. But it was the other way around, it was you who sneaked out. But when I woke up you explained that you had a photo shoot and that you really needed to go but before you gave me a kiss and said that you loved me. It always comes out so natural coming from you.

You always said that it was for me to find someone who is easier to deal with ... But in the meantime you say you love me? It's not like I'm making things easier for me. But what should I do?

It is difficult for me to end a conversation like this. It's not like I can say 'I love you' when I know it's not true, no. It is not easy for me to say these words the way you say to me, with all that affection and emotion.

I am terrified of the idea of approaching you. Terrified of never being able to love you or if I love you and have no idea what comes next. I am young and immature. I think the two of us are always exchanging warnings about ourselves, I just don't know if we're just ignoring ourselves.

The days are passing, and I don't see you in person. I saw you on the covers of some magazines of that photo shoot that you warned me about before and that was it. I don't really know if I really miss you.  
This whole shit takes up too much of My Mind. So I set it up for us to meet somewhere so we can talk.

The situation between us was this: We met at parties and stayed together when there was no one to look at.

You said it was a mess with too many problems to handle alone and that it was better to find someone easier.

I should have heard you. But I ignored it and I think I ended up carrying you with bad hopes.

Justify my terror when we talk about it.

Justify the fact that you always say you love me and never hear at least one: Me too.

Justify the fact that I never really asked you out on a date, dating, or anything else.

Deep down I think you know why. You just don't want to believe that either.

\- Hey Keith. - The eye and he stops drinking the coffee. - Find someone to kill the pain for now. Or whatever, try taking another pill and help your brain calm down when it comes to all of this. I think we should both take a break? I don't really know if those are the words since we have nothing really established and ...

\- Shiro. - his voice came out so low.

\- I didn't want to be doing this to you now I Ju ... - I keep trying to find a way to calm my own speech.

\- Shiro if you swear something I'll punch you in the face. - His voice now came out steady, but it was still a little low. You didn't look at me anymore. He just got up and left the cafe. Just running away. Running away didn't suit you.

So that means I made you fall off the stairs, right?

I was holding the ladder for you while you were fixing something for yourself or just building something for both of us, I'm still confused about it all. But I dropped the ladder and you fell.

And he got hurt a lot. Even more than it already was.

I get up from the table you were at a while ago and head over to the cashier. I pay the bill and as soon as I leave I light a cigarette. As I walk the cold streets. The smoke was my company as well as all the latest events since you.

Without love, he was hoping I could change that. I was his favorite, he thought he finally found someone who could love him.

He was my favorite that first time we met. It was he who caught my attention so it's his fault, too, right? For calling me without even looking at me, for falling in love and for loving me.

He was never the only one to choose favorites. Look now. You are my favorite and you are a broken person. A person who has just been hurt by perhaps his own guilt for falling in love after his own warnings about himself and how much for me.

Favoritism is not something I have a good relationship with.

Now my cigarette is over and I'm at the door. I go in and go straight to my room. I pick up the guitar and light another cigarette.

We will compose one or more songs.

Keith texted me asking how things were between us.

And I lied.

He said things were still the same, except that I couldn't really have a relationship like dating or another with him.

I explained that things would still be the same.

I think he accepted that since he didn't answer me.

[•••]

I think it may have been days. Or weeks. I don't know, I didn't make a point of noticing the time around me.

But while the cell phone dials and I see your number, I don't know what to do.

Is there any way to make a statement?

Was I just trying to start a conversation? Or know how things were going?

Keith was under the assumption that I was famous. It was not an assumption. He knew I was famous. That's why we were always at bored parties.

He knew it wasn't like I had time to call just to talk nonsense. I think that's why he answered.

He supposed it was really serious.

I knew he had a heart.

From the beginning I knew that through all that anger there was still something hitting it.

I could see in the way he treated friends and the way he treated me.

I didn't know that I would end this.

He didn't want to be the person who would break the one thread that connected him to the outside world.

Do not choose. Don't choose that. My heart told me.

\- Look Shiro, I know you want to tell me something. And I know it's serious. So just go ahead. If you love, then let go of the whole thing. - I should have said everything at that point. But not. I started to roll you up again.

Dark rooms. Everytime. You didn't like looking at yourself. I hated having to see that. He hated to see himself.

Right after the session, he knows that I can't move. For You are on my side. Asleep. And I was numb without knowing if I should get up and go.

You move on the bed and look at me. I wasn't sleeping, I just listened and I'm sure you heard all the tired sighs I gave.

You too, you too, no.

It is difficult for me to finish a conversation again. End with 'I love you' when I know it's not true.

Are you looking at me with hope 

\- I love you. - You say and kiss me. I feel my whole body shake with that. I move away and sit on the bed. I couldn't do that anymore. I just couldn't do it anymore.

\- I wanted to tell you the same, but it's hard for me to say, "I love you" when I know it's not true, I'm sorry, but it's not true, love. I do not love you. - I spoke and got up. What kind of person am I? I ended up breaking anything that Keith could feel. I just broke your heart. But for those moments of silence, I felt relieved as I pulled on my clothes until I heard you sob.

\- What did I do wrong? - You get up from the bed. The poor lighting in the dark room prevented me from seeing his face. But for an instant I thought I saw you tremble. - What do I do wrong for everyone to always leave? Is it so hard for someone to love me like that?

\- Keith ... No ... It's not that ... it's just ... - I try, stopping doing what I did to try to find words. I didn't find any.

\- Is it just that? - You approach and I remain silent. - See, I only knew from the beginning. I just didn't want to believe it. I should have listened to everyone ... I should be used to it, but it still hurts Shiro! - He sobs loudly.

\- Keith I know. I know. And I never felt as much as I do now! - The hug. - But I can't keep cheating on you okay? I'm sure you will find someone who deserves you. But this is not me. And I want you to know that the problem is not yours but mine. Okay Keith? You are not insufficient! Okay Keith? I love you. But not in that sense - I said and he held his breath for a while. God I could hear tears falling.

Keith walked away without saying anything and I watched as the shadow in the darkness moved.

He gives me the rest of my stuff now. He walked to the door and opened it.

\- Get out of here now. - He spoke firmly. Were my words in vain? Or did they just make it worse?

\- keith. - I still try to stand in the same place.

\- Get out of here now, Please Shiro. - Keith says the last words in a painful and broken way, so I do.

\- I'm sorry Keith. - I said while walking through the door and at the same time it closes with everything in my face.

I blink for a few moments and then walk away.

As I walked away, I picked up the phone and texted the friends Keith and I shared.

\- Hi, it's me Shiro. And I put you in that group because of Keith. I just left his house and I did something that hurt him a lot ... I think I hoped I would love him ... But it didn't happen and I think he needs the company of friends now. Did you know things right? It is. Excuse. Goodbye.

* Message delivered to: *

• Acxa.

• Pidge.

• Matt.

Shiro left.

Shiro off

Narrator on

As soon as the door closed. Keith leaned on it with everything. As if afraid that Shiro would force her to open it again. The breathing was now fast. And he waited until he heard Shiro's footsteps take him away before sliding through the door, scratching a little on his bare back.

He cried again and screamed in anger. Fuck if Shiro could still hear. He didn't care. Nobody ever cared about him.

It was all a lie.

It was always ... So why did it still hurt so much?

Keith hoped he would never leave. Or he needed to get some sleep. Or anything else that could get you out of that pain.

He got up and ran to the desk, opening a bottle and taking three pills. He swallowed them without water or anything.

He lay down on the bed and hugged the pillow and screamed and cried again, begging the drugs to do their job soon.

[•••]

At some point, maybe Acxa would find Lance at another party and punch him for doing that or he would just hold him up so that Pidge could do the job. Of course, they ignored the fact that Keith asked them not to do anything. But they couldn't leave their friend like that, right? They had to do this for the friend. At least once they felt they needed to do something more for Keith, even if they had to go through their will.

[•••]

Keith on

Sometimes I feel like all my feelings have been thrown away. As if they were nothing. And it's hard to think about it. Even more alone in the room. It's like my heart is aching.

All my feelings were thrown away by you, Shiro.

And you know what fuck is?  
It is the fact that you are now somewhere. The fact that you can live without me. The fuck is that I can't live without you and if you're not here I can't sleep.

I'm sorry for everything, I tried to be your everything, but I failed.

Excuse me.

I was not able to love for both of us.  
But even so, I just wanted you to hold my hand, and for my problems you were the solution. But you lied. And then he told the truth and then he left.

Continue Or would it be the end ???


	2. Thinking about my life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The friends Shiro and Keith have in common are: Lotor, Allura and Romelle. In a small part Lance and Matt.
> 
> I wanted this chapter to be the last, but it was getting longer and I changed some ideas.  
> So we're going to have two more chapters, I think.
> 
> Well, this chapter is focused only a little on Keith's life. so I hope you like it and it's just superficial!
> 
> Details: Listen to Her and Heaven and Back if you want.  
> I had no one to review ... So forgive me for the mistakes.

The steps were taken everywhere. Lights, cameras, flashes being tested. While someone put on Keith's makeup, doing his job without paying attention to the real boy.

\- You look perfect. - The girl says, before going out to do other things, without letting the boy thank him.

Soon Keith is called for the photo session, flashes, poses, easy smiles without real meanings. There was a time when Keith liked to do that. But then the problems came and he ended up losing his passion, or just forgetting it when he started comparing himself to his mother. Keith just stands there, disconnected, doing what the photographers and others in the studio asked him to do. And then the session ends. The truth is, he didn't even notice the time passing. Keith says goodbye to those he thinks is convenient and left the studio. A light rain was falling and the weather was cold, contrary to what was inside the studio.

He had come alone and walking, when he left the house he didn't think it would rain. But here he was, deceived. Another disappointment for your collection. The tears of agony falling with the rain and then he realizes he was crying. Lucky that your house wasn't that far away.

Keith arrives at his house, takes off his shoes at the entrance and goes straight to the bathroom.  
He turns on the hot water to fill the tub and takes off his damp clothes, then falls into the tub, splashing water on the sides.

Life is not a breath. It's a gale. That seems to be driving Keith crazy every day. He just wanted to be able to relax and take the weight of the day off his back. But he can't do it when he starts thinking about everything that happened in his life, especially in the last few days.

So he doesn't have many options but to get out of there when the water starts to get too cold. Once again, time was passing and he was not noticing.  
He was not sad, on the contrary, he was feeling calm. Keith begins to think it may be the effect of the drugs, but he doesn't care much. He wears pajamas that get too wide and fall on the cold bed. He missed the warmth that Shiro had. From hugging him to falling asleep. And to laugh at some silly joke that Shiro told, while stroking Keith's hair. He hugs the pillow tighter when he thinks about it.

And that's how Keith has been living with what he did wrong and with the people he hurt. And it makes him see that longing does not bring back all the moments he wasted.

He fell asleep after that.

∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆∆

Keith woke up with his home bell ringing. He had no idea how long he slept. But I just wanted to ignore the noise and go back to sleep more. But whoever it was was persistent and wouldn't let it go.

\- Keith, Hey, it's me, Pidge. - The girl says and then Keith gives in going to open the door.

\- Hi. - He said letting the girl enter the house and then closing the door. He gives a slight sigh when Pidge turns on the light in the room.

\- You disappeared, I was worried. She places the bowl she carried on the table and turns to look at Keith. - How are you?

"Well," Keith says with a small smile, trying his best not to quiver his lips.

\- Keith, I've known you too long to know you're not "well". - She says and approaches Keith placing her hands on his friend's arms. - We came here a lot of times and nobody managed to get you out of here. What you been doing?

\- Well I had a photo shoot ... - he starts, but she stops him.

\- That was two weeks ago Keith, since then you don't leave here, you don't give any news, and I bet you don't even eat this right. - She points out the facts, and Keith looks away, biting his lip, he didn't want to worry his friends - Hunk imagined the same as me, but he was too busy at the restaurant and when he heard I was coming here, he made his Favorite meal to cheer you up. - She takes his friend's hand and pulls him into the kitchen.

Keith sat on the island and watched and listened to her friend. Pidge grimaced at the empty wine bottles above the sink and gave Keith a stern look, who just shrugged. Then she took a fork and some soda for both of them, then sat down next to Keith and let him eat.

\- So, do you want to tell me what's going on in that windy head of yours? - Pidge asked drinking a little soda and looking at Keith.

\- Anything. - She made her best face of disgust, and he sighed. - Well, the usual, but I'm fine ... I just can't explain in peace and half empty?

\- You should go back to therapy, that's not good Keith, you spend your days locked up here and don't even notice. We care about You and seeing you like that makes us sad too. - Pidge says and Keith looks at her without knowing what to say.

\- You don't have to worry. - Keith tries. - I'll be fine, I always do and I didn't want to make you sad ... This is by far the thing I least wanted to do ... It's just ... I'm sorry okay?

\- You don't have to apologize, Keith, we're not mad. - Pidge says and shakes his head. - Let's forget about this for a while okay? - She says and gets up. - Comes. - She pulls the room. And it opens some windows. Then you go through Keith's things until you find what you want. - Let's paint our nails.

\- These nail polishes must be old by now. - Keith complains, as he sits on the bed and puts a pillow on his lap.

\- That's the least of it. - Pidge says excitedly, she missed doing these things with her friend.

It didn't take long for Pidge to start putting black nail polish on his friend's nails, and he was happy when Keith did the same to her while they talked about life and the things she missed about Keith. She reminded him that the others like Lance, Hunk and Matt missed him too and Keith just remained silent, not knowing how to respond.

Pidge decided he wanted to do a beauty session, and Keith just let himself go, if that meant her friend would be fine.

After that Keith said he was tired, and Pidge pulled him to lie on her lap and caressed her while they watched a new series on HBO. After all, the two agreed that Netflix was for amateurs.

Keith didn't even pay much attention before he ended up sleeping.

When he woke up again, he was a little lost by the voices arguing in the room.

\- He's slept too long, and if anyone can cheer him up it's me! - Lance said, and Keith cursed himself for waking up, when Lance entered the room and jumped on his bed.

\- Friend! Mullet! You already had your beauty session, and since you finally decided to open the door for someone. - Lance says trying to disguise the fact that he is hurt by Pidge getting what he can't do. - We're going out!

Keith did the most mature thing he thought of in that situation, which was, grab one of the several pillows from his bed, throw it on Lance's silly face and hide under the cover. Too bad Lance knew how to pull her.

\- Come on Keith! - Lance starts shaking him. - It will be fun! You haven't been out with us for a long time.

That was true. Keith didn't go out with friends much before Shiro. Things were already too complicated. But after Shiro arrived, he made his mess and then left, Keith ended up losing the fun of hanging out at parties. One part he knew was a silly fear of meeting Shiro again or anyone else who could do the same, and the other part was Keith not wanting to be compared or noticing how alone he was, even surrounded by people.

Loneliness sucks. A drug Keith hated with all the cheap forces and dreams he had.

\- Okay, good guy, I already did. - It was Acxa who spoke, making Keith wonder how many people were in his house while he slept. - You will get up there, take a nice shower, get dressed and wear a nice outfit and we will go out! - the only thing he did was get up and grumble to the bathroom knowing that this was a lost war.

And so Keith did. He went out to dance with friends and as expected he sat alone. Ready to get lost in a drug before a friend saw it and stopped it.

Keith, as much as he hated the idea, returned to therapy with Coran. He just wanted to change the medication, but it seems that Coran didn't understand it.

Keith knew he couldn't stay that way for long. So far. Bitter as a lemon. He needed a new goal, before he gave up and filled his veins with some drug that would take him to heaven with a one-way ticket.

This had happened before. At the time he should have been 11 or 12 years old. His life was upside down. He was in trouble at school. The school was sometimes hard on the boy. The father was always at work and when he was at home they always fought. Keith's mother was in another, as usual, playing on television, beautiful and without the problems that the Koganes were having.

And now it seemed she had grown tired of Acxa too, since she was now leaving the girl to live with them again.

The first thing Keith thought of when he saw his mother at the door with his sister was hope. He thought she had lived her adventure and was now back to him. He thought they were finally going to be a real family.

But no, a minute later Tex and she were fighting. And then she left again. The difference is that she had left Acxa behind as well.

Keith saw how sad and angry the sister was. He couldn't let her be like this. So he buried all his senses in the depths of his heart and mind, for he now had a new goal: to take care of Acxa and to make him as happy and out of trouble as possible.

And that is what he did. It was his new goal. He ignored all his problems, stopped looking at himself and took care of his sister. And that made him happy in part. But Keith still had his dreams and still wanted his mother to look at him at least once in his life. It just didn't happen. And he grew up like that, with a hole in his chest, empty and without joy. He only had his sister and remained strong for her. But far away, the only thing he did was cry himself to sleep because he felt lonely.

Of course, like everything else in life, Keith couldn't just look at bad things. It had the positive side. There always is, the problems try to blind us. It was Lance who taught that.

Keith met Lance when Mother left for the first time. Lance had just moved into Keith's house, and he found the new boy unbearable. They always argued. And Lance always seemed to be around. And then when Keith noticed, the boy was already his best friend.

He saw everything that happened in Keith's life, and yet he ended up introducing more friends to Keith: Pidge and Hunk. In the end, the four, despite being so different, shared some pain.

Perhaps that was what kept them together for so long. But each had their lives and well, they were separated for a while. But now, they were together again and they would not let anything separate them.

That was the bright side, this part of Keith's life. Have friends.

Until the day when Acxa was independent, she no longer needed her brother to look after her. Keith was now a model with a career taking off and he liked being on camera. But now that Acxa was out of his life ... He no longer had a goal.

Stopping to think ... Everything he planned had happened. Acxa was happy, living his life away from him, and he was doing something he dreamed of as a child. And well ... Was that it? He had nothing else to do. I had no more goals to stay alive. Everything he planned is over.

And as if that were not enough, problems on top of problems started to appear, and he was unable to ask for help. And he started to drown in this mess. Feeling alone.

Then Shiro appeared, Keith started to get up, and then Shiro just as he lifted him up, threw him on the floor and left. As everyone seemed to be doing. As always. And again he was feeling alone.

And now here he was, in the bathroom of a party, listening to HER from Chase Atlantic, who was playing in the distance. While crying for thinking too much about life. Pathetic. It was now or never.  
Decide to have a new goal or just end it all at once.

\- Keith? All right? Are you here? ”Matt's voice came as he entered the bathroom.

He moved the curtain to reveal the boy sitting in the tub with a bottle of wine in half.

\- BUH! - He joked trying to smile. While Matt didn't take long to sit in front of Keith in the bathtub.

\- Wine bath. Liked it. - Matt smiles and looks at Keith. - You did not answer my question.

\- If I remember correctly, you asked three questions. - Keith leans his head against the wall looking at Matt.

\- Funny. I'm serious. How are you? I heard you were locking yourself in the house for a month. Keith rolled his eyes.

\- It wasn't a month. I shouldn't believe Lance. After all it's Lance! - Keith gets a little mad at the joke. - But back to your question, my current goal is to be very exciting, without depending on anyone. - Keith takes the bottle of wine in his mouth. - As you can see, so far I am failing miserably.

\- You just need a push. - Matt smiles at him. - You will rock this, but I have to remind you that you don't have to do everything yourself. You have friends who will always be here with you.

\- Thank you Matt. - Keith thanks, and some stubborn tears fall. - My God, I'm a baby cry.

\- Blame the wine. - Matt looks at Teto. - You're the only one who drinks this at parties.

At this point a drunken Pidge enters the bathroom, followed by Lance, Hunk and Acxa.

\- Meeting the sadness in the bathtub and no one calls us? What a shame! - Lance crosses his arms, sitting on top of the large sink and watching the two boys in the bathtub.

\- We found you! - Pidge sits, (reads: falls) next to Matt outside the tub.

\- The good thing about having rich friends and being able to find a big, incredibly clean bathroom at a party. - Hunk says closing the door and leaning against the door.

The silent one just sat on the edge of the bathtub next to his brother and started to fix his hair.

\- Who wants to play a game now? - Pidge asked getting up and to steal Keith's bottle of wine and fell back to the floor. - Keith and Lance are the bad advisors and Hunk and Acxa are the good ones.

\- And I? Matt asked sulkily.

\- You shut up and just listen without a freak out. - Pidge says handing the bottle to his brother and starting. - If you crash your dad's car, you should tell him or you just pretend that nothing happened. - Pidge looks at Lance. - Go Lance.

\- Oh, tell me. This will only give you shit! - Lance tries to enter the character, while Pidge nods positively and points a finger at Hunk and Acxa.

\- You must count yes! He loves you! It will freak out a little at first, but then it will forgive you. - He and Acxa start to say the good points and Pidge is quiet listening, then points to Keith.

\- The guy ate his mother. Are you really going to tell him? - Matt, who was drinking the wine, chokes, Hunk opens his eyes wide, Acxa lets out a "that's my brother", Lance laughs out loud.

\- oh my god, Keith! - Pidge laughs until he blushes. - I love you man. - She says when everyone is calmer from the laughter they let out.

When Keith looked away it was Lance who asked.

\- You know we all love you, right?

\- No. I don't. - Keith says sincere giving a tired sigh. - But the problem is not with you, it is with me. - he looks at them and tries to give a comforting smile.

Everyone manages to lean over the bath in an awkward and uncomfortable hug.

\- But we love you, don't forget that. - Hunk says and gives Keith a kiss on the hair, while everyone returned to their seats, until they returned to the game with fun.

By that time Keith had already decided what to do. He had a new goal. And that really made him smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I don't know if I'm going to post another chapter or two.  
> my question is whether I make a chapter talking about Shiro's life or if I just tell the end of the story to you soon! I'll think about it and the ideas I have! If you have an opinion I would love to know !!
> 
> comments and questions are welcome!
> 
> I'm sorry for the grammar mistakes!
> 
> To the next?? I had something else to say, but I forgot!


	3. Time resolves.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How Shiro is now that he kicked Keith out of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought there would be two more chapters, but I was discouraged, so I summarized everything to fit that chapter more quickly. 
> 
> I hope someone liked it! I did it with love and wanted to end it after so long. 
> 
> I'm sorry for the mistakes, we're going to die without Beta around here. 
> 
> Just have a good read.

Takashi Shirogane. Better known as Shiro, he can be considered as privileged. He came from a good family. One who always supported him in everything and who, luckily, had a great influence to get the boy to fame as soon as he said it was his dream.

The young part of Shiro loved that and loved the fame around him. He was on this road since he was young and he doesn't know exactly when everything lost much of its grace. Maybe when he started feeling empty.

Sometimes he thinks it was when he lost his arm, but at the same time he thinks not. Because a large part of his fans helped him and thinking about things to sing was what most helped him in rehab.

Of course, the letters he used to vent, were too sad and were reflective of his depression. The public liked it, even when Shiro finally overcame the depression, many of them still wanted to see songs like that, which only left Shiro feeling bad. They knew they were just a means of escape, by any chance, weren't they happy that finally after his accident, was he literally healed? He cannot take advantage of these reactions.

But it is also clear that despite losing some of his passion, he won many things in return. Things that keep him alive and give him a false illusion of happiness. That's why Shiro never complains about anything.

He's tired of getting hurt. Tired of love, even though he never really fell in love. At least he says to himself that he never fell in love. Even though it’s not true. Sometimes he just wants to stop pretending, but he is so immersed in his own lies that he doesn't even realize they are lies. It is the price to pay.

As much as you think your lie is true, it remains a lie. And everyone asks, "What is the price of truth?", When they should be concerned with the price of lying. Because this is expensive and difficult to deal with.

But remember: it is a necessary evil. Money and fame bring many things as I said, but they do not bring total happiness when you are no longer there.

The truth is that Shiro doesn't even know when the last time he was really happy.

In fact, he knows. You just don't want to admit it to yourself. Because you know that if you admit it you will end up with yourself. He knows he will want to go back and it will be too late. Shiro sometimes gets angry. Very angry. It starts with a tingling in the chest and ends with him breaking something in the room. Of course, he was smart enough to go to a therapist.

But even so, what he couldn't leave there, he used parties and drinks to reward.

Hey, one of the good things about being famous. There is always a party to go and thus distract the mind from all unwanted thoughts. And then he wastes no time getting ready, taking a deep breath and going to the party. Whether to do anything. Conversations and more empty conversations, kissing unimportant mouths, singing, dancing. Or just find someone to stay until the sun comes up. Shiro is tired of remembering certain moments of his present present, because even among a lot of people, all he can think of is a certain person, he realized when he left for the first dose. But even then he just ignored it.

All he wanted to do was forget those feelings. Maybe put an end to it. As much as he blames the boy with black hair, Shiro knows that it is his fault. He shouldn't have finished. Shiro should never have put an end. Because at every moment, your actions only lead you to your own end.

But even so, his goal goes downhill, when in the fifth dose he finds himself looking at a photo of Keith. Beautiful. Very beautiful indeed. It is Shiro's first thought.

Keith and Shiro could have had something as beautiful as Keith himself. But not. Shiro had to be a son of a bitch and throw everything away. He threw away all of Keith's feelings, as if they were nothing but junk. It hurt Keith so much. And at the same time he swore he was relieved.

But when the realization hit him, it was too much. Shiro couldn't have been more stupid. Is that what he wanted from the start? At first Shiro thought so. But now, he knew he wanted more. At the tenth dose, Shiro was thinking about Keith even more and wanted to call him. But it was only a boy trying to bring it up with him, that he struggled to bury his own feelings and create new memories.

It worked, but only until he fell on the sheets alone, after the boy, Adrien or Adam left. But now, looking at his bedroom ceiling, he could only think of something, well, actually, someone.

Keith. Keith. Keith.

Every moment and every beat of your heart. Everything reminded Keith, and Shiro cried that night because he knew he had lost Keith. After all, he caused a lot of pain in that callused heart. If it was before, if Shiro had noticed it before, he could still have had Keith again.

They could be ua real couple. Because before, if he asked, Keith would come back. But now? He knows he won't have Keith back. And how it hurts. Shiro should have realized that he loved Keith before. He ... How can he be so stupid? Shiro did not sleep for two days straight. Writing new songs to vent and smoking several cigarettes.

If Keith were here, it would get your attention. Even when the boy couldn't even keep his own food on track.

"It's better this way," he said to himself after all. It will be better. Keith minding his own business away from Shiro.

Their love was like a fairy tale, only without the happily ever after. But it was good while it lasted. At least, for the most part, taking out all the crises that the two themselves had with themselves. Which was not so bad, because whenever one was starting to get lost, the other was there next door, listening, supporting and helping as much as possible. But sometimes, Shiro thinks, maybe they are just the right people at the wrong time.

It's pathetic to think about it, a lot of time being spent on motivational phrases from Tumblr or Pinterest.

Some days ended up becoming months. And as long as Shiro didn't think out loud or talk to anyone, the Keith affair and all the love he felt for him, they could consider themselves almost nonexistent. Almost. Shiro told himself that his love died. And that all the pain and love he felt, were just a memory (recent and painful).

He could no longer suffer for that error. One night, Allura called but Shiro didn't see.

Spending your night with a stranger. It had been a while, he could tell he stopped feeling.

If he had answered, he would have known that Keith missed him and that they could have made things right. After all, Allura knew that Keith would come to the party, since now he was healing.

She wanted them to heal together. Maybe she noticed that they were in love even before Shiro. But again, Shiro was busy kissing a mouth that wasn't Keith's.

That night, as shameful as it was, Shiro always imagines Keith.

And the night when he slept, I also dreamed of him.

And sometimes he just remembered, every time Keith hurried out for a photo shoot. Bending down and kissing Shiro lightly with a low, but confident, I love you, always so real.

It was always difficult to wake up on those nights.

But in the end, Shiro would wake up just to get a drink and try to kill the memories. Shiro's mistakes did that. It was his fault that Keith was no longer there.

He was the one who kicked Keith out of his life and it looks funny, he was the one suffering for it. Guilt was caused by failure. And failures generated by distractions. But Keith was never just a distraction.

But the guilt and failures were there with the glass of vodka. When Shiro found himself, he was once again remembering Keith and wondering. The two together as in good times.

The thing Shiro least wanted to do was hurt Keith again. So, no matter how much it hurt, it stayed long for Keith's sake. If he changed things, maybe Keith would take him back, but would it be the right thing to do? On a lonely night and without parties or drinks, it rained.

The melancholy and everything Shiro discovered with his withdrawal came to light, and all he wanted to do was call Keith asking for forgiveness.

Or less to go out to meet Keith at that moment. Sit with him and have a conversation, clarify everything, cry, ask for forgiveness and gradually, when the two were really well, start everything from scratch. Maybe they would be happy like that. But he did none of that. One more of the hundred times, he just put it aside and hugged the pillow.

This happened for a long time. He saw a therapist. And it got better for a while. Away from Keith, without imagining it, but deep down, love was still alive.

How did he know?

Well, it was easy to see when your heart sped up one night when you heard a laugh and saw Keith laughing at some silly joke that Lance let out.

He was beautiful. The hair had grown longer, Shiro noticed. Keith's way looked the same, but somehow more natural and lighter.

\- Did you find the beauty of the dance? - Allura asked catching Shiro's gaze. - He's beautiful, isn't he?

\- That's Keith. He's always beautiful. - Shiro snorted, turning the rest of his drink.

\- Take it easy there, buddy. - Allura warned. - How are you?

\- I am fine. Leading. It's like I'm floating, but I also feel heavy. - Shiro explains.

\- Do you miss him? - She smiles sadly.

\- Every day, but look at him, he seems happier without me. - Shiro says and the two look.

\- Did you talk to each other after everything was over? - She asked without wanting to force too much.

\- None I think, he called me a few times, but for the most part I just ignored it, at first it felt right, but when I finally had my time and when I finally stopped denying myself, it was too late. - Shiro says.

\- If my relationship with Lotor being a good example, it's never too late to fix things Shiro. - She touched her friend's arm. - Even if it is not for you to be together again, which I doubt is true, it would be good for you two to listen and explain everything that happened between you. You can't just throw everything out of the blue.

Shiro was silent when some people called to her, and she left, leaving Shiro in the tide of her own feelings. He took a look at Keith and seeing him happy that way was strangely good and bad.

Good to know that he finally seemed to be happy and well with himself.

Bad because Shiro was not the reason for any of that, and because it was clear there, that Shiro was never needed by Keith.

He could live without Shiro and he forced himself to be happy about it. That was what matters, Keith's happiness. 

Shiro took another shot and then, knowing he wouldn't have the courage, being the pathetic coward he was, he decided to leave before Keith noticed his presence. When he reached the hall, someone touched his arm. 

\- Hey Shiro. - He froze for a moment. When he turned and looked at those amethyst irises looking at him with a cautious smile, he thought he was going to die.

\- Keith. - He smiled without knowing how to react. For a tense moment, Keith also didn't seem to know.

\- I ... Well ... I just wanted to see you. - Keith says. - I haven't heard from you in a while, I just wanted to check if you're really well. - he says sincere and a little worried. - Allura told me that you have been having some problems, and I wanted to say that as much as things between us ended in a somewhat troubled way, you can talk to me.

\- Keith I ...- Shiro tried to process and find words. - I'm not asking us to resume. I had time to think and I understood your side and I don't blame you, it's okay with me, I just wanted to let you know that we can still be party friends. - Keith looks away. - I think it was good for both of us to separate, but we don't need to get rid of everything. We can still be friends, right?

\- Of course we can be friends. - Shiro ignored the tightness in his heart and put his hand on Keith's face. - I was afraid to talk to you, but well, we're here now and I have no other way to say it. - Shiro sighed.

\- Want to sit outside? Keith nodded positively and the two walked side by side slowly, catching up. 

Keith didn't really seem to want anything to do with Shiro, he knew it would happen, but if he had the opportunity to at least be keith's friend again, he wouldn't waste it.

They spent good minutes talking until Shiro finally started to apologize.

It was impossible not to approach Keith and keep his hands away from his face.

\- Keith, I want to be honest with you, and I want you to look me in the eye now. - Shiro says and their eyes meet, Keith had something like expectations and confusion with Shiro's action, but he was determined to say everything. - I'm sorry for everything I did to you...

\- OH MY GOD, WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE TRYING TO DO? - Lance yells from where he was, scaring both Keith and Shiro.

\- Hey, Hey, Hey, Get away from Keith now you shit. - Pidge also appears pointing the finger in the face of Shiro, who moved away from Keith.

\- For the love of God Keith! After all that he put you through, were you falling for this idiot again? - Lance scolds while Keith blushes in a trance. - Later we will have a serious conversation. - Lance goes to Pidge's side in front of Shiro. Blocking Keith from Shiro's vision, as if protecting him.

\- What do you think you're doing here? Pidge asked authoritatively.

\- Who invited you? - Lance demanded.

"How dare you come to talk to Keith after everything you've done to him?" Do you know how many times he ... - Pidge was beside himself with rage when Keith released him. 

– I went after him, Pidge. - Pidge and Lance are quick to turn around.

\- YOU DID WHAT?!? - Pidge screams. - KEITH!

\- Fuck, you don't have the sense of a chicken! - Lance shakes Keith. - FROM A KEITH CHICKEN !!

\- I'm not a child. - Keith replied angrily. - I don't need two nannies to watch everything I do or talk to! - Keith didn't want to hurt them, he just wanted them to trust him more. He knew how to take care of himself. Well, now better than before.

\- This situation is living proof that you don't know shit, and that you do need nannies! - Pidge says without being shaken and turns back to Shiro. - Is that you. - She points the finger at Shiro's face again.

\- You're screwed! Keith may be silly and forgive you, but I didn't. - Hey crazy, what are you trying to do? - Lance asks still holding the arms of a Keith incredibly irritated. - But she is right, whatever Keith said, if she forgives you or whatever happens in that windy head. - Keith curses. - He is our friend and as much as we trust him and...

\- In that case I don't trust. - Pidge says still looking at Shiro intimidating.

\- We saw everything he went through and we never want to see him like that again. - Lance sighs. - As much as you are angry with us. - Lance looks at Keith who seemed surprised by the confession.

\- I'll hit him for that. - Pidge loose. - if life taught me something, it's that size is not a document! And you will be beaten. - Pidge says angrily getting ready.

\- Enough. - Keith scolds. - I know you just want to help me, but that has gone too far. - Keith says letting go of Lance who protested until he received the warning look from Keith.

Keith then went forward and grabbed Shiro's T-shirt sleeve and pulled him to a nearby car.

\- WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? - Pidge came out of the little trance.

\- It is none of your business. We'll talk tomorrow. - Keith forces himself to say so that the two do not follow him. - goes into. - he ordered Shiro who was quick to obey.

Keith drives to a park because he doesn't know where else to go, both of them still in silence.

\- I'm sorry about that. - Keith says first. - I didn't want you to know about these things, as I said you were not to blame for not loving me ...

\- You shouldn't apologize. - Shiro says. - I was the one who ruined the two of us. And it wasn't because I didn't love you, Keith. It was because I was afraid to love you. I was afraid of falling in love with you, but it was too late, I was in love for the first time in my life and I didn't know what to do. - Shiro finally vented. - And then I just kicked you out of my life, thinking I could handle things better, but that's not what happened. - Shiro feels his eyes fill with water. - I have to apologize for not being a man enough to let you know that I loved you. I was a scoundrel and a coward with you. But look at you Keith! You are so much better off without a dead weight like me.

\- You are not a dead weight Shiro. - Keith says softly. - You never were. - He says without looking at Shiro. - You're just a very complicated mess like me. It is not so easy to be happy Shiro. Even more without someone you love around. Knowing that you loved me is hard to believe. - Keith wipes away a tear.

A silence.

\- I still love you. - Shiro says. And hear a sob. Whether it was Keith's or his own, he couldn't tell the difference.

They were silent again for a long time, Keith's sobs loud. Shiro almost regretted saying the words. But no, it was okay to say them finally. Keith deserved to hear.

They didn't talk anymore, Keith took him home and ended the night there. The two agreed to continue talking. But nothing more than that for now.

They started to meet as friends. Finally discussing everything they live and being a shoulder to shoulder with each other. Gradually building a new relationship.

Keith's friends were still a step behind, keeping an eye on everything.

But gradually calming down. Gradually, Keith and Shiro let their love blossom. Each one needs time and they had it. They loved each other. They could heal and help each other until they were finally ready. In the end, they could finally love each other without fear.

They could leave the past behind and ultimately be happy.

**_Is that what they deserved, am I right?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to come and discuss with me on Twitter:   
> https://twitter.com/sadness_pudding?s=09 
> 
> Or you can call me on Instagram. (@/sadness_pudding) 
> 
> So, you saw that they will take a chance. Do you think things will work this time? Let me know what you think about this!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay...Should I continue? I appreciate comments, I would like to know what you think and if I should continue. I would at least like to try something happier.


End file.
